I Can’t Live if Living is Without You!

Today is Saturday the 12th of August 2017. Fourteen weeks ago today my wife was taken to Heaven. As has happened on many Saturdays, I awoke at the exact minute my wife’s neurosurgeon called 14 weeks ago to tell me Sue was gone. 

I had some work I wanted to get done in my home office, some house cleaning to do, some errands to run, and I stopped by the cemetery on my return. There, as I knelt looking at her temporary marker, the following words popped into my head. “I Can’t Live if Living is Without You.” Once again, I had to start writing.

I can honestly say I don’t know how to live without Sue. Saturdays were often devoted to being together the entire day. We would begin by cleaning the house, running errands, and then going on a special date before coming home to spend the evening together. We have a regular size sofa in the living room, but we always sat next to each other, often holding hands. We slept in a king bed but the extra space wasn’t needed.

This past week has been a tough one. I will skip the details, but I will say that I was upset with God. Even so, I spent the first part of the week in fasting and prayer. By the middle of the week I was not quite as upset. By the end of the week my feelings were almost back to normal, though none of the causal circumstances had changed. 

By the time I returned home from the cemetery today, I realized something. Though not easy, I will figure out how to live without my Sweet Sue, but I can’t live without God! Earlier in the week I had journaled that I hoped I love God more than I did Sue, but at that moment I wasn’t sure. Circumstances have made me feel forsaken by him lately, but he gave me a gentle reminder before I left the house today. 

After Sue died, I found a simple little sapphire ring she wore before we married. I have worn the ring around my neck, attached to one of her old necklaces. I couldn’t find it this morning and panicked. I always put it in the same place every night. “Haven’t I lost enough God? I can’t lose the ring too! Please help me find it.” Seconds later, I found it on a shelf in the closet. Gentle reminders are always present.

Not everything in life will go the way I want it to. I will see my Sweet Sue again, because we both chose many years ago to put our faith in Jesus Christ. He will not let me live without him! He will see me through. If this has spoken to you, I would love to hear from you.

Stan Means
Elder Source Senior Ministries
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