God, You and I have talked a lot during the last seven months of my bride’s life. Many times I thought she wasn’t going to survive. Many times it hurt so much to see her suffering that I prayed over and over again, asking you to heal her. As if you needed my permission, I even left the definition of healing up to you, knowing that you might choose to ultimately heal her and take her to be with you. Ten days ago you did just that.

I don’t blame you for taking her home. In fact I’m glad she is with you because her suffering is finally and completely over. I just miss her so much and wish, I really wish for something that only happens in the movies. I really would like a do over. She was my only true love, and it took a while, a long while, years in fact, to figure out my role, to figure out what she needed in me. The sad thing is I only really figured it out after you took her to be with you.

Many times while she was in the hospital, then in rehab, and even the three short weeks that she was home before she died, she often tried to move over in her hospital bed so I could lie next to her. I was worried what the staff might think, and even when she came home I was worried that her hospital bed was too small and it might affect my sleep and hers. If I had known our time was going to be so short I would have crawled in next to her every time.

After so many traumatic brain events and surgeries, when she finally came home she was not fully the person she used to be. At times her confusions were seemingly constant. To keep from confusing her further I was much more quiet than before. If I had known our time was going to be so short I would have listened and talked to her until we were both confused and exhausted.

I could go on and on with what I would have done differently. I know I can’t have a do over. I know it only happens in the movies, but can I ask you to consider one thing? Will you cause this simple blog to be read far and wide? Will you cause it to burn in the hearts and minds of many who still have time to get it right with the people they love?

I miss my sweetheart so very much. Thank you for blessing my life through her love and devotion. I hear that there is no marriage and giving in marriage in Heaven. Can you at least grant me an exception in Heaven with my sweet bride?

Stan Means
Elder Source Senior Ministries
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