Rings and Frilly Things: A Guy's Perspective

My living conditions changed dramatically after Sue and I married. I had been living in a mobile home off campus while in grad school. Used red and yellow shag carpet covered the vinyl flooring. I didn’t own a vacuum cleaner or an iron. There were no curtains, and the “entertainment center” upon which my 13 inch black and white television sat was a cardboard box containing a table saw I bought at Sears. Sue wanted something more "chic" than my man pad. I can’t imagine why. (Just kidding)

We chose a simple one-bedroom apartment with white walls and beige carpeting. Sue chose a navy blue and floral sofa and chair. The living room curtains were lacy white sheers. Floral bedroom curtains matched the floral bedspread. Our apartment definitely was feminine, but it did look much better than my mobile home. 

Although I loved her and her feminine touch, I wasn’t crazy about wearing a ring. I knew a guy who lost his ring finger when his ring got caught, but I adjusted to wearing my ring because it was very important to her. Sue has been gone for a little over ten months, but I still wear the ring, and I have one of Sue’s rings that I wear around my neck on a black string necklace that was hers as well. Isn’t it funny how time changes our perspectives?

Our house looks like it did ten months ago, and her clothes still hang in our closet. I really treasure the many memories I have of her and of our almost 35 years together. This morning I realized something. I am still very much in love with her. The ring on the third finger of my left hand is there because in my heart she is still my wife. Her death broke the legal contract, but my heart says she is still my wife.

I have often said that men view life as black and white, but women add color to our lives. 
I could shout the following from the rooftops. “Husbands love your wives. Cherish them. PurSue them. Love them the way they need to be loved, not as you want to be loved.” 

Sue loved me and cherished our time together. I guess somewhere between the shag carpeting, rings, and frilly things, I managed to love her well. 

Stan Means
Elder Source Senior Ministries
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