God, it’s okay. You can take her Home!

I found the following on my laptop, the first blog I had written after that fateful Sunday evening, 9/25/16. I had overlooked it and had never finished it until now.

I was alone with my wife in the emergency room of the hospital. I am not sure how long we had been there. I would guess it to be around 45 minutes. I have gaps in my memory of the events encompassing that evening. Our daughter says I was probably in shock. Looking back, I agree.

I am not sure if I knew the full extent of what was going on in her body, but I do remember it was very serious. I also remember feeling that my wife may not survive. With emotions running afoul of my usually calm demeanor, I prayed. The short inaudible prayer contained the only words my mind could produce. I gave God permission to take her to Heaven. Later, I would reflect on the absurdity of a fallible man giving the infallible God permission to take a life to Heaven, but I wasn’t giving Him permission as much as I was submitting to His omniscience.

Later that evening the neurologist said my wife might not make it through the night. Two decades earlier with tears in my eyes I said goodbye to her as she was taken into surgery following the discovery of an abdominal mass, and then I quickly left to take our two young children to school before returning. The surgery went well, and after six weeks of recovery, she returned to work as an elementary school teacher. A decade later she survived yet another crisis, but I knew this time was unlike anything we had ever faced.

My wife had been under a lot pressure since the beginning of the school year. A classroom of 24 first graders is never easy, especially for a teacher like my wife who took her job and her students very seriously. She made learning fun with creative songs and dances geared towards enhancing learning. We had often talked about what she does for her students each year by teaching them to read. Upon that basic skill rests a lifetime of rewards for her students. I have never known a teacher that was more loved and adored by students and parents than my wife.

October 2, 2017 was one year and one week past that horrific night. She survived that night and many more, but God took her home on May 6, 2017. The impact she had on family, friends, students, staff, parents, as well as doctors and nurses, is nothing short of amazing! I thank God every day for the 35 years we had together!

May all of you who read this be as blessed as I was and am!

Stan Means
Elder Source Senior Ministries
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